When One Spouse Needs Assisted Living: A Supportive Guide for Couples
There are many reasons why only one partner would move into assisted living. Perhaps one spouse is significantly older than the other, or maybe one spouse has medical or mobility issues that the other cannot care for at home.
When one spouse’s care needs change while the other can live independently, the family must navigate this time with emotional sensitivity, open communication, and practicality. Here are a few topics to consider and discuss as a family as you choose a retirement community and plan your loved one’s transition.
When Care Needs Change for One Partner
It may be obvious that one partner needs a little bit of extra assistance. However, some older adults are resistant to the idea of asking for help due to age or medical condition—especially if their partner is functioning as they always have. According to the National Institute on Aging, these are a few signs that your loved one’s care needs may be changing:
- Safety issues such as forgetting to turn off the stove, falling in the bathroom, and taking medications inappropriately
- Mobility concerns like difficulty navigating their home, trouble dressing for the day, and not being able to complete personal hygiene tasks
- Mental health changes, such as depression, anxiety, or mood swings that are unusual for your loved one
- Cognitive differences like confusion and memory loss
- Medical signs such as sudden weight gain or loss, wounds that won’t heal, and any other concerns related to existing medical conditions
We know these transitions can bring up many emotions. At times, seniors may feel discouraged and as though they are failing (either themselves or their spouse) by considering assisted living. It’s important for everyone involved to view these changes as pursuing wellness and gaining support, rather than “giving up.”
The Emotional Side of Living Apart—and Staying Connected
Even if moving into an assisted living community is in the best interest of the spouse who needs care, couples may feel guilty about the choice and worry about each other. They may also deal with feelings of uncertainty and anxiety as they navigate the process.
Couples can stay meaningfully connected with a few thoughtful adjustments. Sharing meals at the assisted living community, planning activities to enjoy together, and taking advantage of the community’s flexible scheduling all make it easier to spend quality time together. Above all, it’s important to maintain open, ongoing communication with each other and with the care team supporting the adult who lives there.
Living Options for Couples With Different Levels of Support
When one spouse needs assisted living, there are a few different scenarios that could work to ensure that both individuals get what they need. Consider these two options to start.
One Spouse Remains in the Couple’s Home
It’s important to some couples that one of them stays in their family home while spending as much time as possible with the partner in assisted living. The couple’s relationship becomes easier and more enjoyable because the partner at home is no longer the primary caregiver for the partner with more complex needs.
Both Spouses Move but Not Together
Can your spouse live with you in assisted living? If one spouse wishes to move out of their home to join the spouse in assisted living, it’s possible that they could reside in the same place but with an “independent living” level of care. Care-wise, this is similar to living in a nearby residence. This spouse may enjoy the perks of a retirement lifestyle, such as luxury accommodations, nutritious dining, and social activities provided by the senior living community. They may also appreciate the time freed up from caring for a home.
The couple needs to stay open-minded to what the future may bring. The spouse living independently may also need a higher level of care in the future, so some couples prefer to plan for this scenario before it happens. Remember that things often change at this stage of life, and don’t be afraid to adapt to the scenario at hand.
Navigating Family Conversations and Practical Decisions Together
Every family’s situation is different. While some older adults are amenable to change and can easily have open, respectful discussions with their partner, others need help navigating these conversations. If your family falls into the second category, consider involving adult children or other close relatives. It may also be helpful to discuss concerns with a counselor who specializes in senior living transitions and the care of older adults.
Couples in the first category who are ready and willing to make the necessary changes in living arrangements may still need assistance with the logistics and practical details. For example, what will the daily routine for both partners look like? Who will pack, and what will the moving partner take with them? If the transition involves medical or mobility issues, who will take that partner to their appointments? Try to address disagreements as they arise rather than hoping they will resolve with time.
Making a list of questions can help you choose the correct retirement community. If you’re not sure what to ask, feel free to start these discussions with the staff as you tour local senior living communities. The more information you have going in, the better.
How the Right Retirement Community Supports Couples Through Change
Although some couples must live apart for one partner to have access to appropriate care, nobody has to face this transition alone. It also shouldn’t mean that the couple has to sacrifice their relationship or quality of life. Life, at any stage, should feel full and meaningful.
Retirement communities offer flexibility in scheduling and living arrangements, wellness-focused living, and peace of mind for the couple and their whole family. At SRG Senior Living, we pride ourselves on helping families navigate these life changes while staying connected with one another.
If you have more questions about what the upcoming transition could look like for you and your family, contact us to discuss your unique situation. We look forward to helping you and your loved ones reach a solution that works for everyone.
